Testing the good, the bad, the ugly

I did not expect to be writing a post about testing for Hayden. I had made a conscious decision a few months back that we were in a place of acceptance. Acceptance that Hayden's delays had been classified as Cerebral Palsy even though in my heart, I know, there is more to it. I said to myself this precious four year old boy has been through more testing than a typical child or even an adult. I wanted to be done going through the stress and heartache of worry.  However, I am writing today to say my decision was altered in a brief instant.

Hayden had his normal follow up appointment with his orthopedic doctor at AI, Dr. Mackenzie. I really love Dr. Mackenzie he is personable, pleasant demeanor, happy, and Hayden really likes him. I wish some of Dr. Mackenzie's PA's had his bedside manner, heck some other doctors I see could use it as well. The one thing I love about Dr. Mackenzie is his optimism when it comes to Hayden. He always has such a bright outlook on his future progress with walking independent. Dr. Mackenzie provides me with so much hope!  I also can say he is not a doctor to just recommend testing, so when he asked me to perform a test on my son I know it is with good intentions. So, this leads me up to my post we are having an MRI performed on Hayden's spine. Hayden has really gained in strength especially in the trunk area that causes his greatest weakness. So far he has a typical developing sister, a cleaned brain MRI, negative results for every genetic disease possible to test for, and a clean bill of health from cardiology. Right now Hayden is a child causing the great doctors at AI to scratch their head? Why can't Hayden stand and walk on his own? That is the million dollar question, if anyone can tell us this I would be grateful.

With a heavy heart I agreed to this test for my son. I decided if Hayden was going to be sedated again, that I only wanted it one more time.  I emailed his neurologist and asked if she wanted to repeat his brain MRI.  Here we are counting down until his procedure in May, a three hour test. I am having the feelings of panic, worry, sadness, and fear all over again. Watching your child be sedated is the worst thing to have to go through, at least from my point of view. Thankfully, my husband will be there with me. I could not face that alone. I cannot stand to watch my child who has so much life to live be put to sleep. It is scary and I know I will cry again. I know I will be a nervous wreck waiting for him to come out of the 3 hour procedure. However, I do know I am at the best place to be for this test at AI DuPont Children's hospital. We are very blessed to have such a great hospital here in Delaware.