Tuesday, December 27, 2011
Heart worries
Ironically as I wrote yesterday about Hayden's heart I receive an email today about scheduling his cardiac appointment. I am relieved to go back again but nervous at the same time. I hate that Dr. Google has me so stressed about Hayden's cardiomegaly. I worry what this means for his future, I worry that I need to see a cardiologist, I worry that my baby girl needs to be checked out, I just overall am worried. I feel like I have taken a million steps backwards in his journey. We have been on such a great road. A road filled with negative test results, a road with a diagnosis of cerebral palsy, a road of positive improvements and then bam. We are hit with the unknown heart condition. I am trying really hard not to overreact but it is so hard not to. I want this to just be his normal heart size. I want nothing else to be wrong for my sweet boy. Please let nothing be wrong with my baby boy. I wish his hard time would just turn into simple life. I am sure I will write about this some more but it felt good just putting my feelings down somewhere.
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I just told another friend (also on this DD journey with us) that it feels like no matter how much joy this life brings me (because it does), it also seems to just knock me over from time to time. Whether its a realization that the gap is widening b/t our kids and "typical" kids, watching our kid struggle to do something that comes easily to others, feeling that familiar panic from a google frenzy, or whatever, sometimes, we get knocked down. But you will get back up my friend. Thinking of you.
ReplyDeleteThanks! It really is so hard sometimes.
ReplyDeleteBig ((hugs)) to you! You and Hayden will be in my thoughts and prayers. Hoping to read about good results from his cardiology follow-up.
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