I spent some time recently with some pretty fabulous parents of kids with special needs. We each have our own challenges and joys in our lives. We know that raising a child with special needs is hard and rewarding at the same time. We also know that finding time to be someone other than a special needs parent is also hard. I like to think that I have found the perfect balance. I like to say I have figured this journey out and can conquer it all. However, I also realize that I need to give my self a break. A break in saying it is alright that I do not have all the answers, a break to be myself, a break to be just a wife, a break to do something for me and not feel guilty about it. I admit I struggle with this feeling of guilt. I find myself thinking I could have done this better or done that differently. When do I just say, it is okay! When do I accept that I need time to work on me?
I have been researching literally for a month about loosing weight. I know I need to shed these pounds to feel better about me. I know this will make me a better mom and wife, but yet I can't commit. I found a million reasons why I haven't started.
1. I don't have time
2. My sinuses have been acting up
3. I rather spend time with my kids & husband
4. I rather spend time relaxing
5. I rather spend time sleeping
6. I don't have time
7. I think of everyone else but me
8. I don't have time
9. Doctor's appointments
10. I don't have time
11. Have I said I don't have time
I want to go back to weight watchers, but then I feel guilty about spending money on something I should know how to do. I want to start running again, but then I feel guilty that I could be doing other things like cleaning my house. I want to start taking Zumba classes, but for the reasons I mentioned above I just do not go and do it.
Tomorrow, I have decided in my head that I am going to go take a Zumba class even though I feel guilty. At least, it will be a step in the right direction. Here is hoping I will not find an excuse as to why I did not go to Zumba Saturday morning. I wish I could find me a Bob Harper from the biggest loser to motivate me and get to the root of what is in my mind. For now, I will use Hayden's blog as my outlet every once in awhile. I guess we could say it is my own therapy that I sort of need right now in my life.